Assertive downsizing

1/7/10 Lee Canter's Assertive Discipline ©, recycled; five packs of magic markers, given away

As I depart school each day, I try to leave my office as if I might not be returning for weeks. The plan is to take three weeks of paternity leave when the baby is born, and the baby could be born at any time.

Part of the office organizing process involves trying to cull the collection. Before leaving today, I took great delight in recycling the TIMELESS CLASSIC Lee Canter's Assertive Discipline ©. (I think we're legally required to use Lee's name when referring to his book.)

I am willing to admit that Lee Canter's Assertive Discipline © was the absolute backbone of my behavior management structure for my first two years of teaching.

I should also disclose that during my first two years of teaching, my behavior management system was an absolute, incontrovertible, utter failure. I thank Lee Canter's Assertive Discipline © for that.

And yet, somehow, I have held onto Lee Canter's Assertive Discipline © for fifteen years. It's still in perfect condition, chock-a-block full of discipline tips for the new teacher.

Throwing it in the recycle bin today felt soooooo good.

Welcoming new Maineiacs

1/6/10 Three Maine guidebooks, given away

Joanna loves to travel, and she loves guidebooks. Over the years, we've had many guidebooks, although I can proudly say we've downsized the majority of them already.

Interestingly, when we moved to Maine, Joanna even bought guidebooks about my home state, which I desperately tried not to take as an insult to my native knowledge. We did put them to use, and had several adventures that were inspired by the information within.

However, I think Joanna has fully absorbed all there is to learn. Indeed, while she may have only spent one quarter as many years in Maine as I have, she has developed an absolutely encyclopedic knowledge of the state. Seriously, this woman knows Portland better than a cabbie.

Thus informed, we are ready to pass on our Maine guidebooks, which I did today to one of my colleagues, Julia. Julia teaches third grade at my school and her husband, coincidentally, teaches at Joanna's school. (Don't I keep proving that Maine is a small place?) The two of them moved here a year ago from the Southwest, presumably to get closer to his home.

No, he's not from Lewiston. He's from Ireland.

Hey, it is closer.

Since neither of them are native Mainers, they were an obvious target for this downsize.

Happy exploring, Julia. I hope the guidebooks lead you on many interesting adventures. (But if you get lost in Portland, forget the books. Call Joanna.)

Faking it

1/5/01 Five VHS movies, given away

Question: What kind of person fakes her own birthday?

Answer: An imaginary person (with a Facebook account).

I always thought I'd left my imaginary friends back in childhood, but it turns out that they not only still exist, they're pranking me. Just yesterday I saw on Facebook that the beloved "Betty Frank" (spoiler alert: NOT her real name) had a birthday coming up today. Ooo! Perfect downsize opportunity.

I called Ms. Frank to let her choose from my fine selection of excess VHS tapes, only to discover that her birthday was not on January 5th, as Facebook was broadcasting to the world. The fake birthday was just another attempt to foil those dangerous bands of marauding identity thieves who troll the internet.

As George W. Bush once so elegantly said, "Fool me once... (long pause) ...shame on... shame on you... (awkward hand motion) ... fool me, you can't get fooled again."

Generous soul that I am, I decided that we might as well go ahead and celebrate this fictitious person's fictitious birthday, and so she selected five classics: The Sting, Apollo 13, The Year of Living Dangerously, A Little Romance, and Starman. Those movies raked in eleven Oscars, folks, and, if you ask me, Starman got totally screwed out of another one.

You hear what I'm sayin'? This is a pretty good birthday gift for someone who, technically, was never born.

So, these movies have been sent off to my pretend friend. I sure hope her address isn't fake or the postal service is going to get really confused.

On target

1/4/10 Cookie tin, given away

Over the Christmas Holiday, a colleague of mine posted a request on our school email for cookie tins for his son.

Was he, perhaps, helping his boy learn the domestic arts of cooking and baking?

Don't be silly, this is Maine. He needs it for target practice.

Well, I'm happy to hand over a cookie tin for this worthy cause. (Goodness knows I won't be using it to practice any domestic arts.)

This also gives me the opportunity to share my favorite student quote so far this year.

I walked into a fourth grade classroom and stumbled upon a cluster of boys in the midst of a conversation about BB guns. A young gentleman, we shall call him Ray, rather sheepishly admitted,"Well, I shot a chipmunk four times."

Very long pause.

"I didn't mean to kill it."

Okay...

I replied with the only thing I could think to say at the moment.

"Ah, Ray, let me tell you something. If you shot something four times, you meant to kill it."

He just smiled. Get that boy a cookie tin.

Keeping tabs

1/3/10 Two plastic medicine cabinet shelf pegs, trashed

I had much more ambitious plans for today, but by the end of the day, I was too beat to devote energy to downsizing.

This last day of vacation was a busy one. Got up at 7:30 AM, did school work until noon, shoveled snow for an hour, then painted the entryway until 7 PM.

With more school work scheduled after dinner, my original downsize idea had to be temporarily scratched. (I will get to it. Hint: it has to do with the sink.)

As I was about to jump into the shower before dinner, I opened the medicine cabinet and noticed a little baggie with two plastic pegs in it. Several years ago I installed a new medicine cabinet and these little tabs are what hold up the glass shelves. The cabinet came with two extra tabs, which seemed a bit strange, since you need four tabs to hold up a shelf. If they were doing to add in extras, why not throw in four, so I might be tempted to buy another shelf?

Regardless, as it was, I had two, worthless little pieces of plastic.

I, of course, held onto those two additional tabs like my life depended upon it. In retrospect, it seems foolish to keep them. I mean, once you've installed the shelves and determined that you've got enough tabs, what's the point of holding onto the extra ones? I can't even imagine the scenario where suddenly one of the tabs breaks. The shelf could shatter, sure; but the tabs? Highly unlikely.

And yet they sat in the medicine cabinet in their cute little Ziploc for years. Nestled between the toothpaste and the Tylenol, they were, for all intents and purposes, as much a permanent part of the bathroom as the tabs that actually hold up the shelf.

Until I tossed them into the trash. Nothing is sacred in this house. Nothing!

For the record, I feel no guilt about this being my smallest downsize ever, since those little tabs are the perfect example of the kind of thing that clutters up my life for no good reason.

Besides, remember the day I got rid of 1,000 pounds of bricks? If you lump this downsize in with that one, on average I got rid of 500 pounds, 1/2 ounces of stuff today. Not too shabby.

De-basement

1/2/09 Old hiking documents and other random papers, recycled

Sometimes, the significance of the downsize has little to do with what I actually get rid of. Tonight I recycled a handful of paper. That's not such a big deal.

However, the process that led to that pile of paper was a big deal, as I spent about an hour cleaning up our basement. Ah, my greatest rival.

Larry Bird has Magic Johnson. P.C. has Mac. George W. has the English language.

And I've got the basement. It is the ultimate dumping ground, the place where things accumulate, build up, and stay forever.

Someday I shall vanquish it.

Today I took some important steps forward and set aside a number of items for potential future downsizes. I also got a few areas a little better organized. There's a long way to go, but it's measurably better than it was when I began.

Watch out, basement. I'll be back.

Keys to the future

1/1/10 Mystery keys, trashed

We have arrived at the first day of 2010. The Downsize Challenge enters a new year and its sixth month. Time flies.

I took some time last night to do a little tallying. I've been keeping a running record on the side of my blog (once again all you Facebook users, you should check out the real thing) showing the ways I've downsized. Here's the 2009 tally:

Given away: 51
Donated: 18
Sold: 28
Recycled: 23
Trashed: 20
Consumed: 4
Returned: 4
Other: 5

I began this challenge without a clear sense of how I'd get rid of stuff, but I find it interesting to see that nearly half of the downsizes have been due to things either given away or donated to a cause. If I'm going to get rid of my prized possessions, it's good to know that it's for the benefit or enjoyment of others.

Until yesterday I had categorized all such downsizes as "Given Away" but I went back through all of the posts and separated out those which had been donated to charitable organizations or non-profits. I wonder if explicitly tracking the number of donations will lead me to try to downsize in that direction more often. Time will tell.

And what time there is.

Seven months to go with this challenge. Some days it's easy, some days I think I'll never actually figure out a way to get rid of things for another 211 consecutive days. I haven't figured out the key, yet. I'm just getting through with dogged determination.

What awaits us in this coming year? What are the keys to success? Let us find joy in discovering the answers.