I'm sympathetic

10/28/09 Two pairs of pants, donated to Goodwill

Apparently, my body thinks I'm pregnant, too.

It's called sympathetic pregnancy, it's real, and it's shocking. Wife gets pregnant, husband shows the same symptoms.

I Googled it -- that's how we find stuff out in 2009, right? -- and can now cite dozens of reputable sources that prove sympathetic pregnancy is legitimate (although the scientists like to get technical and refer to is as Couvade Syndrome).

I'll defer to the BBC, which is pretty much the least-sensational news organization in history. According to the Brits, "Expectant fathers reported a range of symptoms, including cramps, back pain, mood swings, food cravings, morning sickness, fatigue, depression, fainting, insomnia and toothache."

Whew, it's a miracle that I even made it to work today.

Which symptom am I suffering from?

Excessive weight gain in the stomach region. I blame the kid.

Joanna and I went to the doctor today for a check up. Shockingly, Dr. Wilberg was completely focused on Joanna and the critter. Joanna's blood pressure was normal and the little one's heartbeat was spot-on. Joanna even got the Swine Flu vaccine, which is akin to winning the lottery right now.

What about me? I got a handshake.

Without the aid of the medical community I am forced to take matters into my own hands, in the only way I know how. I'm going to get rid of stuff. Specifically, perfectly good pants that no longer fit me.

On the way back from the doctor's office, I swung into a Portland Goodwill donation center and dropped off some trousers. I hope whoever ends up with them isn't planning on having kids, or they won't fit for long...