Culling the collection

11/30/09 Three die cast Star Wars vehicles (Snowspeeder, Y-Wing, Twin-Pod Cloud Car), sold on eBay for $20.75

Today marks the last day of Downsizing Month Four. And, I think it's appropriate that I completed the first third of the challenge by parting with yet another set of Star Wars toys. This lot of cool die cast ships was mailed off to Michigan, where I'm sure their artistry shall be appreciated.

The idea for the Downsizing Challenge grew partially from a longstanding discussion -- yes, I chose that word carefully -- about my world renowned Star Wars collection. Joanna had long suggested that I could part with all these pounds of plastic from my childhood, and even my parents announced this summer that it was time to clean the stuff out of their attic.

I recognized that it would take something drastic (such as a daily deadline to get rid of something) to motivate me to cull the collection. While the vast majority of toys remained safely packed away, I have managed to get rid of more than I might have thought possible just four months ago.

I glanced back over the downsizing annals this evening and did a bit of counting. It turns out that seventeen of my downsizing days have involved old Star Wars items. Even more impressive, the total number of Star Wars things I've parted with is forty-one. Wow, that's pretty good.

And, geek that I am, I am proud to also add that I have taken immense joy from pulling each of these gems out and playing with them one last time before sending them off to other galaxies, far, far away.

1,000 pounds of downsizing

11/29/09 Sixty-three paver blocks, sold on craigslist for $30

Surprise! It turns out that the cute flower garden built against the foundation of our home was not there to beautify our abode and brighten the front yard. It was there to conceal the fact that the only thing keeping water from flooding into our guest room was a thin sheet of plastic and a piece of plywood.

The water did eventually come in, of course.

It ruined the guest room carpeting about a year after my Dad casually said, "You know, that flower garden probably shouldn't be up against the foundation like that. I'd take it down and see what's going on there."

As usual, I probably should have listened to him sooner.

Fortunately, this repair job coincides with a MUCH LARGER project we've had in mind since the day we moved in. Beginning this week, a construction crew will arrive to not only fix the above-mentioned gaping hole, but to completely rebuild our front porch and entryway. In addition to giving us a screened-in porch and a level, rebuild patio entrance, it will also prevent our entire roof from caving in this winter. So that's a plus.

The trouble-causing garden was of simple construction: five tiers of castle-style paver blocks stacked in a semi-circle against my house. Those paver blocks are now on their way to Turner, ME, where a friendly guy named Paul will use them to build a retaining wall.

Ah, it's good to hear they are finally going to used for good, rather than evil.

On the fence

11/28/09 Thirteen 4'x4's, sold on craigslist for $20

One of the best things we've done to improve our home is to replace the fence around our pool, which we did two years ago. As we must for any big job, we called my parents into service. They came over and helped us dig the new post holes and erect the new fence. Free labor is the best kind.

The old fence, rotten as it was, required several trips to the dump. However, I saved the fence posts, which were still perfectly good lumber. I stacked them carefully beneath our deck, under the cover of an old tarp left over from our old temporary garage.

I used a few of them, most notably to build a clothesline.

I am loath to give up usable lumber, but it was taking up valuable storage space, and it had "downsize" written all over it.

Today I sold the remaining posts to a personable guy named Greg. He planned, appropriately enough, to use them to build a fence for his dogs. One fence to another, separated by a few years.

It's interesting. That old fence was in such decrepit condition, we couldn't replace it fast enough. And now, parts of it shall create a new fence, perfectly functional and thoroughly economical.

Just as I want to think of myself.

From a different angle

11/27/09 Barrel planter & four pieces of stovepipe, given away on craigslist

A guy named Richard came by this morning to pick up several things I offered for free on craigslist.com. He took four pieces of stovepipe that were in our basement when we moved in. I'll appreciate not tripping over them anymore. I didn't talk to him about what he plans for them, but I assume -- perhaps foolishly -- that it will be something involving a stove.

The other thing he took was an old barrel planter. It was also here when we arrived. I had moved it a few times and had used over the last several years to grow a white pine seedling into a three-foot tree by our front door. Joanna even put red bows on it last Christmas, giving our entrance a very festive look.

Since we're having our entire entry way and front porch rebuilt (gulp!), I needed to move the planter and tree. I transplanted the tree into our yard, discovering in the process that its taproot had gone right through the now-rotten bottom of the planter and down into the ground. It was a chore.

This left me with an old, bottomless planter. I figured it'd roll it elsewhere in the yard and plant some other tree in it, but Joanna gave me a bit of a sideways look when I suggested that plan. And so, onto craigslist it went.

I assumed whoever took it would use it as a planter. Logical enough, right? But Richard had other ideas. He recently planted a lilac bush and needed something to cover it for the winter, to protect it from snow and freezing rain. He figured the planter, flipped upside down and given a new bottom (now, top), would do the trick.

Brilliant!

I love it when people look at something from a different angle and find a new use for it. That's the heart of innovation, and we're all capable of doing it. We just need to open our eyes and our mind, taping into the synergistic coupling of intelligence and creativity.

Thankful

11/26/09 (Small) bottle of wine, consumed

The hardest part of leaving The Big Apple back in 2003 was moving away from great friends. Jason, Jenny, Marc, and Gianna were not only an important part of my life, they were a constant presence in it.

Jason, Marc, and I had our (supposed to be) weekly Boy's Night Out. (During one of which we saw Natalie Portman in the lobby of the movie theater -- Whoo-hoo!) We shared countless dinners, game-nights, and Central Park strolls. Gianna even survived a flaming sambuca incident that the NYPD may still be investigating.

Five months after moving up to Maine, we invited the four of them up to celebrate New Year's Eve in our new home. I wish we could have had them up every year since, but distance is a great logistical roadblock.

When Jason and Jenny arrived, they brought with them a small bottle of apple wine from a winery they had visited in Upstate New York. It was a summer desert wine, so we didn't drink it during their winter visit. We placed it on our dining room bookcase and thought of them each time we looked at it.

For the next seven years. It even still had a fabric bow attached to the neck.

I opened it yesterday and had a glass with dinner. Hey, I figured nothing's better with chili in November than summer apple wine. Today, Joanna prepared the most fabulous Thanksgiving dinner and I polished off the wine with my turkey and stuffing. Don't worry, like I said, the bottle was small.

We love Thanksgiving because it reminds us of how much we have to be grateful for. As I sipped that wine I was reminded of how lucky I am to have amazing, lifelong friends. We live too far away from each other and don't see each other often enough, but our friendship hasn't dimmed in the least.

I know they are always there for me when I need support, reassurance, help, or advice. Actually, right now what I need is another bottle of wine.

You listening, guys?

Coffee break

11/25/09 Two coffee mugs, given away

I completed the Parent/Teacher Organization gift basket trifecta today, donating two mugs to the Maine Basket, to be raffled off in support of the school. Because of my earlier donations to the Family Night Basket and the Outdoor Activity Basket, I can now rest easy at night knowing I've done all I can for the PTO. Whew.

By the way, I'm learning that coffee mugs are the bane of downsizing. We have, as Fletch would say (check out the moment at 2:18 -- it's the best), a tremendous buildup of coffee mugs. We have so many that they occupy parts of three shelves in our cupboards. Unloading the dishwasher is like a ceramic version of reverse Jenga. Not to be crude, but it's a flagon nightmare!

And yet, every one of them has a story, many involving special places we've visited. Every one seems special. We can't just cast them aside like Starbucks to-go cups.

As it is, I couldn't bear to part with our full set of four holiday mugs, since they were a meaningful gift. However, I figured we could deal with the psychic shock of reducing our collection by two, so I took half of the set to school.

How I'm going to part with any of the remaining mugs is beyond me.

Go fly a kite

11/24/09 Two kites, given away

Each morning, on the playground, a kindergarten boy comes up to me and asks, "Can you take your thumb off? Please float! Will you get a quarter out of my ear?"

I'm not just a recess teacher, I'm the research teacher who does magic. To the delight of easy-to-fool five-year-olds everywhere I can do this and this and I'm working on this. It's just one of the many joys of teaching that has nothing to do with teaching.

I'm also a world class swing-pusher, able to get thirty kids chanting "We love to write!" within twenty seconds, and could go professional as a kick-ball pitcher.

A few years ago, my Aunt Karen gave Joanna and me two kites for Easter. Believe it or not, we don't spend a lot of time kite-flying, so I took them to school. I didn't have lunchtime recess duty last year, but I kept an eye out for good kite-flying days. I managed to get out there a few times and launch the kites, which is no easy feat on our school playground. However, trust me when I tell you that the reaction of elementary school kids when a kite takes off is well worth the wait. For a few minutes, I was the Pied Piper of Norway, Maine.

Today, I added those gently-used kites to the Outdoor Activity Basket that our Parent/Teacher Organization is raffling off. I'm sure whoever wins them shall fly them gloriously.

Now, I need to figure out how to shake up recess tomorrow...

KiwiWookiee

11/23/09 Three die cast Star Wars vehicles, sold on eBay for $27

I'm a bit sad that these three cool Star Wars toys are going to see New Zealand before I do. A bidder on eBay with the name KiwiWookiee -- how appropriate! -- bought them. I packaged them up today and mailed them off on a journey longer than any I've ever taken.

Farewell, childhood toys! Travel safely!

I hope they at least send a postcard.

Work OUT

11/22/09 VCR, given away

Is life a zero-sum game? If something is going really well, does that mean something else needs to go particularly badly? If you increase one thing, do you have to decrease another thing? If you give away one thing, do you need to acquire something else?

I'm banking that the answer to the last question is no, and I want to believe that's also the case for the rest of them.

So many things are going incredibly well for me right now. Downsizing has turned out to be a delightful challenge, I continue to grow and learn from my job and -- by far most importantly -- we have a baby boy on the way. All of that is wonderful.

However, while the plus side of the ledger is full, there has been a notable deduction on the negative side.

In terms of physical fitness, I've fallen off the wagon. I've always been a pretty regular runner, and fairly frequent gym-goer. Without making excuses, I shall admit that the last nine months have been an absolute work-out black hole. I've never gone this long without regular exercise, and it's showing. (Thus, my sympathetic pregnancy.)

We do have a delightful local gym, BKD Fitness Center, owned and operated by Eric, who also serves with me on the Board of Trustees of the Casco Public Library. As Eric and I chatted near the DVD/VHS selection at the Library last month, he mentioned that he needed a new VCR.

Today, after our monthly Library Board meeting, I took one of our old VCRs over to the gym. (Let's be honest, do Joanna and I really need more than one? As we've already covered here and here, VHS tapes are very much on the way out.) It was the first time I've been in the gym in months, and I didn't linger.

While I'm glad Eric and his family will get some use out of the VCR, I'm most pleased that at least I have a proxy at the gym. Sure hope that VCR keeps running -- I'm sure not.

Paper trail

11/21/09 Bag 'o bills, recycled

I've developed a simple, elegant filing system. Once an important bill is paid, I first put the documentation into a large box.

Then I wait a really long time.

Finally, I look back over the stuff in the box. If enough time has passed, the bills are so irrelevant, there's no need to actually file them. Just throw them in with the recycling.

What about the paperwork that still shouldn't be tossed? I don't do anything hasty, like actually filing it. I put it back in the box and resume waiting.

It's an ingenious system, really.

Game on!

11/20/09 Game of Pacardy, given away

As the holidays descend upon public schools, a spirit of giving pervades the air. Don't let it be said that teachers aren't a giving lot.

Our Parent/Teacher Organization has organized a number of "Family" baskets to be raffled off, with the proceeds to benefit the school. Teachers were encouraged to donate items for the baskets, each of which had a theme. Ah, a chance to downsize!

For quite some time, I've been eyeing a cardboard box in our basement labeled Games. Given that one of the baskets at school was for "Family Night," it seemed a game would make a perfect donation.

I pulled the box off the shelf, shoveled off three inches of dust, and opened it up. Inside were games that ranged from the classic (Trivial Pursuit!) to the sublime (Trivial Pursuit - Star Wars Edition!).

There was also a game called Pacardy that was distinct in 3 ways:

1) I have never played this game.

2) I have never even heard of this game.

3) The game had never been opened.

Yep, it was still sealed in the original box. How perfect is this?!? I didn't even need to feel guilty about donating a used game -- it doesn't even count as used.

Somehow, I don't think I'll even miss having that Pacardy game around. After all, I've still got Star Wars Trivial Pursuit.

Electronic cat toy

11/19/09 Cell phone charger, trashed

Ugh. We've reached a point in human history where we're nearly drowning under the flotsam and jetsam of electronic gadgets.

I've downsized electro gizmos via donation (this time), recycling (this time), and the trash (this time). But they still keep popping up.

Tonight, I opened a drawer and a Verizon cell phone charger leaped out at me. I don't have a Verizon cell phone anymore. (iPhone rocks, iPhone rocks, iPhone rocks!) I don't even remember using this particular charger.

In fact, I decided that it would be morally wrong -- as if it's not already morally wrong to be throwing all this stuff away -- to toss something before it had ever been used. So, Bird and I spent five minutes playing This could be alive, I should kill it! Cats have a strange affinity for that game.

So, at least Bird got a charge out of it.

Baby questions

11/18/09 Prenatal medications, trashed

Today we had our 32-week check-up with Dr. Wilberg.

These check-ups are rather funny, since the medical part consists of Joanna peeing in a cup and then the doctor listening to the baby's heartbeat for about twenty seconds. It's a total of about one minute of clinical procedures.

Then, he asks us if we have any questions.

Of course we have questions! How do we create a "Birth Plan?" How much will Joanna be able to move around during labor? Can we travel out of state over Thanksgiving? Why in the world didn't Bill Belichick punt the ball on 4th & 2 with a Patriots' lead and only 2 minutes left in the game?!?

Dr. Wilberg is great, answering our questions patiently. His relaxed, confident style matches Joanna's, and we're feeling confident as we enter the last two months.

The most interesting moment of the visit came when Joanna asked if he could tell which way the baby was facing. The next thing we knew, the Doc placed his hand on Joanna's abdomen, squeezed, and said, "Yeah, I think this is his head right here."

Joanna and I looked at each other. Holy crap! The guy is grabbing the kid's head! I sort of wanted Wilberg to make the little guy nod like a puppet. Hey, it might have been funny.

And, of course, downsizing was not out of my mind during the appointment. One of our questions concerned the proper disposal of some left over medications that we no longer needed. Surely, another pregnant mother could use them. Or, perhaps they could be properly disposed of at the medical facility we were currently standing in!

No dice. The answer: take 'em home and toss 'em in the trash.

Why is throwing stuff into a landfill always the default option? Haven't we moved beyond that yet?

Well, no matter. We can pass the buck on the tough questions. They'll be my son's generation's problem soon enough.

Behind that door...

11/17/09 Star Wars die cast model of Boba Fett's ship Slave I, sold on eBay for $5.50.

This morning, as I packed up this unbelievably awesome space ship, I thought about what a cool job it would be to design vehicles for the Star Wars movies.

That, in turn, got me thinking about other dream jobs.

My great friend Jason once commented that one of the most interesting jobs in the world must be working in the storage room at the American Museum of Natural History. Jason always said the best thing would be to get in good with this guy and have him sneak you into the back rooms. He imagined it would go something like this:

Oh, yeah, come on in. Just watch out for all that sand, it gets everywhere whenever we unpack another Pharaoh. Now, let's see. Um, well, these boxes over here have all the extra dinosaur bones in them. Go ahead, take one. Nobody'll miss it. And that gun, there? Yeah, that's what Teddy Roosevelt used to shoot all those animals we got out front. And that over there is the Ark of the Covenant. Careful, it burns.

Yeah, that might be even cooler than working for George Lucas...

Teachers' Room

11/16/09 Eleven food storage containers, given away

Timeline of today's downsizing:

7:43 AM -- Walked into Teachers' Room with box of plastic food containers, labeled with "Free for the taking!"

7:44 AM -- Second grade teacher took two containers.

10:04 AM -- Walked into Teachers' Room; found that only two containers remained.

11:32 AM -- Returned to Teachers' Room; entire box was gone, one lone container still sat on the counter. Put Post-It on container with words, "Please take. FREE."

1:47 PM -- Last check on Teachers' Room; all containers gone.

1:48 PM -- Overwhelmed by the joy that only de-plastification of my life can bring.

Early morning charge

11/15/09 Car-to-car charging cable, given away

Sometimes I get to turn downsizing into an adventure.

While rooting around in the basement, I found a car-to-car charging cable. It HAD to have been given to me by my grandmother. It had the tell-tale Nanna sign: the "AS SEEN ON TV!!!" stamp on the front of the box. It actually looked like a neat device: rather than pulling out the jumper cables when your battery is dead, you connect the dead car to a working one through the cigarette lighters.

Does it work? Who knows.

I threw it up on the free section of craigslist which meant I needed to wait about twelve seconds before I had three different emails from people interested in it.

The first person to contact me wrote that she was working the night shift at the local Big Apple/Dunkin' Donuts until 7AM the next morning. She asked if I'd be willing to bring it down to her.

"Hey, Joanna, you want to go down to the Big Apple tomorrow morning before seven?"

"Sure, it'll be an adventure."

The alarm buzzed at 6:30AM on Sunday, and we crawled out of bed.

"It feels like we're going on some kind of drug-run," Joanna joked as we climbed into the car.

At the Big Apple, I filled up with gas, we handed the Car Charger to Louann, and purchased some delicious coffee and treats at the Dunkin' Donuts counter.

Joanna suggested we drive down to the Naples town causeway and drink our coffee as we watched the day dawn over Long Lake. A water bird (we had a big debate about whether or not it was a loon) swam around right in front of us as the fog lifted.

It was only 7:15AM and we'd already had a busy and delightful start to the day.

Fortunately, after drinking our coffee, the car started again. If I'd had a dead battery, I would have really regretted giving away that car charging cable...

Roll on

11/14/09 Pool cover reel, sold on craigslist for $20

One of these days, I'm going to figure out how to downsize the entire pool.

Until then, I'll have to settle for getting rid of random pool-related items.

When we moved in, I found a pool cover reel under the deck. The solar blanket that was supposed to be wrapped around it was rotted and ripped. I gathered up the decaying pieces of that blanket and took them to the dump years ago, although I still find little blue bubbles under the deck from time to time.

The reel, however, always held such potential that I left it safely stored where it was. Every summer I'd say to myself, "I should get a solar blanket for the pool!" Then, I wouldn't. Why throw good money after bad? (For my take on Maine swimming pools, check out my earlier post.)

The harsh truth, however, is that without the Downsizing Challenge, I would have continued to say that to myself for years into the future. But, now that I'm constantly looking to jettison the excess clutter from my life, I can spot a good craigslist item from across the yard.

A friendly guy with a British -- I think it was British -- accent named Simon came by today and loaded the reel onto his truck. His roller had broken, so this one would replace it. He already had the solar cover, so I know he won't be mumbling I shoulds to himself like I did.

I should have sold that thing long ago.

Plumb Bob

11/13/09 Box full of old plumbing parts, recycled

Tonight's downsize scares me.

I know I shall be hearing from my good friend, CRM, who will chastise me for getting rid of potentially re-usable faucets and pipes. I'm throwing away perfectly good fixer-upper items that should be squirreled away for future plumbing disasters.

Don't hate me, Dear Friend, these are desperate times.

Piqued interest

1/12/09 Broken pottery, given away

Why would I save broken plates?

For art, of course!

The cultured among us call it pique assiette, the art of turning shards of pottery into works of beauty. Or even buildings -- check it out.

I'm ready to admit, however, that the likelihood of ME making pique assiette anytime soon is very low. Like sea level.

Fortunately, my school has a dedicated art teacher who not only teaches students about art, but creates art, herself. Eva said she'd love to take my broken plates off my hands, assuring me that they would be used for artistic expression by either a child or herself.

Guess it was a good thing I saved them.

Small measure

11/11/09 Measuring cup, given away

Mom and Dad drove over today to deliver a load of wood. I'm a fantastic wood scavenger, having paid for firewood only once in six years at our house. More than a few of our fires have come courtesy of old trees on my parents' property.

We enjoyed a fabulous quiche for lunch (thanks to Joanna) and great conversation (thanks to all of us) before they had to leave. Of course, I also insisted that they take something, as fair payment for all of the wood.

In the end, Mom took an old plastic (yeah, one less piece of plastic in our house!) measuring cup that she said she'd use in her art class. And she actually acted like I'd done her a favor. It was a small token, to be sure, but certainly emblematic of my whole history with my folks. They give so much, and I seem to give so little in return.

It reminds me of my favorite Billy Collins poem, The Lanyard, in which he writes of his mother:

She nursed me in many a sick room,
lifted spoons of medicine to my lips,
laid cold face-cloths on my forehead,
and then led me out into the airy light and taught me to walk and swim,
and I, in turn, presented her with a lanyard.

If you've never heard him recite it, you've got to check it out here. So true, so true.

All I really need to know, I learned in Kindergarten

11/10/09 Apron, given away

On some days, downsizing is just easy.

My grandmother gave me this apron when I first started teaching. I used it a few times, but it turns out I'm a pretty clean teacher. Rarely do children throw stain-producing liquids at me. (At least since I left my 7th grade teaching position in Paterson, NJ.)

I pulled it out of a box in my office a few weeks ago, recognizing that it needed to go. It's sat in the corner ever since.

At 4:00 this afternoon, I was ready to head home, but hadn't downsized anything.

Here's a bit of advice, folks: when you need help, ask a kindergarten teacher. Or three.

I grabbed the apron and headed down the hall. Gretchen and Claudette waved me off, but Sarah, with a slight roll of her eyes, said, "Okay, I'll take it." See, kindergarten teachers always come through.

Sarah said she'd use it in her kitchen play area, where her kids act out their future lives of domestic bliss. Now that they've got an apron, I'll have to go in and show them how to throw stuff on each other.

Flight of fancy

11/9/09 Seven Star Wars action figures, sold on eBay for $19.85

Goodbye, Old Friends!

Alas, Luke, Leia, Lando, C-3PO and three Bespin Security Guards have flown off to the Netherlands. (Hey, I hear it's a lot nicer than Hoth.)

As a new eBayer (that's insider speak for someone who sells stuff on eBay. I'm on the inside now, you know) it was quite a thrill to make my first international sale. And, not only did Nederlander Rick buy from me, he actually bought two different sets of action figures within three days.

Interestingly, all of the figures he bought were from the Bespin/Cloud City sequence in The Empire Strikes Back. A focused collector -- I like that. To thank him for his purchase, I threw in an old Star Wars trading card that featured Luke hanging from beneath Cloud City after having his hand cut off by his father. Luke was having a bad day.

For the record, I'm not even counting that trading card in the Downsizing Challenge, although I'll probably find out someday that it was worth more than my car.

Regardless, to ensure that his friends get safely across the Atlantic, Han offered to lend the Millennium Falcon to Lando. Lando promised he'd return it without a scratch.

I sure hope so. I'm not ready to give that up, yet.

Century mark

11/8/09 One hundred items from around the house, recycled or trashed

We have reached Day 100 of the Downsizing Challenge. Yes!

To celebrate, I strolled around the house and found 100 things I could live without. Not a bad way to mark the occasion, if I do say so myself. With the year more than a quarter over, let's review.

As the "How am I downsizing?" box on the right side of the blog shows -- if you're reading this on Facebook, you really need to click here and check out the real blog -- the most common way I've downsized is by giving stuff away. Who knew I was so generous?

Here's the breakdown to date:

Given away: 38
Sold: 19
Recycled: 17
Trashed: 17
Consumed: 4
Returned: 3
Other: 2

Regardless of how many items I downsize in a day, I can only count it in one place on that chart. For example, today I got rid of 100 things, but it only counts as one. Bummer, huh?

On days when I get rid of things in several ways, I have to choose one category in which to record it. Do I call today's downsizing method Recycling or Trashing? While I'd rather sound green and count it as recycling, more than have of the things went in the garbage, so I recorded today as Trashed.

It would be interesting (and probably impossible) to get an actual count of the number of things I've downsized. With all those corks I've gotten rid of (see this post and that post), the count would be impressively high. (By the way, the cork story isn't over yet. I just found another one in a random drawer -- can you spot it in the picture above?)

As interesting as it might be, however, I'm not going to undertake such an accurate accounting.

Ultimately, the only number that matters in the Downsizing Challenge is 365.

One hundred down, two hundred sixty-five to go.

A night at the movies: Return of the Jedi

11/7/09 Four types of Star Wars Stormtrooper action figures, sold on eBay for $6.39

I had to take a leap of faith today. With the final movie of the Star Wars saga cued up and ready to roll, I had this great set of four Stormtroopers ready to head out the door. They sold on eBay a few days ago, but I haven't received payment, yet. Nonetheless, my six-day Star Wars odyssey wouldn't come to a suitable conclusion unless I could downsize the action figures today. So, I mailed them out to Astoria, NY, confident that the guy who bought them will eventually cough up the cash.

I choose to believe in the basic goodness of human nature (A concept that is about to be reinforced by Darth Vader, himself.)

With that taken care of, we are ready to enjoy the grand finale.

Tonight's film:

Star Wars, Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Order in which it should be watched: Last

Why: It is the final chapter, after all. As an added bonus, although it was filmed a quarter century ago, most of the special effects hold up remarkably well.

Most memorable line: Obi-Wan: "What I told you was true, from a certain point of view."

Coolest moment: The last minute of Luke's battle with Vader. It's the best use of music in the original trilogy. (Honorable mention: The space battle around Death Star II. When the movie was released, nothing like that had ever been filmed before, and I'm pretty sure I peed my pants the first time I saw it.)

Funniest moment: As the Rebels try to fly past the new Death Star, Han tells Chewie to keep his distance without looking like he's keeping his distance. When Chewie barks a question, Han replies, "I don't know. Fly casual." Han gets all the best lines.

Best character: Luke. The farm boy finally gets tough, becomes a Jedi, redeems his father, and wisely decides to stop making out with his sister.

Thing that bothers me: The Rancor monster scene has the worst blue-screen effects of any Star Wars film. When Lucas released the updated Special Editions of the original trilogy, he cleaned up all kinds of mistakes, but he didn't do anything about this. It's like he felt the need to revert to Clash of the Titans technology for this one scene. Very annoying.

Who loses their arm/hand: Darth Vader. For the record, this is the THIRD time Anakin Skywalker gets his hand cut off. When will they figure out that it doesn't work -- he just keeps getting new ones.

Who says, "I've got a bad feeling about this": C-3PO and Han. (Han and Obi-Wan both get to say it twice over the course of the six movies. Like I said, Han gets all the best lines.)

What the film teaches us: In the end, Good triumphs over Evil.

Final thought: We all have things that help define us. For me, one of those is Star Wars. Anyone who knows me well connects me to those movies, and I am proud of that.

Editor's Note: Minutes after posting this, I got an email saying that the guy who bought the Stormtroopers had sent his payment. See, you gotta have faith in the basic goodness of human nature.

A night at the movies: Revenge of the Sith

11/6/09 Five Star Wars Rebel Soldier action figures, sold on eBay for $10

Finally, score one for the good guys. I sold five Rebel Soldiers in Hoth Battle Gear -- which is basically what we wear here in Maine six months of the year -- for $10. It's just as well that they are headed off to Mattytown, New York, since the good guys don't do so well in...

Tonight's film:

Star Wars, Episode III, Revenge of the Sith

Order in which it should be watched: Fifth

Why: We're on the homestretch, now. This movie is great to watch next to last for several reasons. First, it's the darkest of the films, and it's best to hit the low point just before the happy ending. Second, this completes the flashback sequence we began after Vader asked Luke, "Who's your daddy?." The film, as the most recently made, is certainly the grandest visually and shows that enough computers can make anything happen. Most interestingly, Revenge of the Sith mirrors Return of the Jedi (spoiler alert: that's what we're watching tomorrow) in many ways beyond its name. Check out the parallel lightsaber battles on the bridges of the starships for the most significant connection.

Most memorable line: Vader's first mechanical breaths. That's about as iconic as any sound can get.

Coolest moment: Star Wars fans had been waiting for almost three decades to see the fabled Obi-Wan/Darth Vader duel on a volcanic planet. It lives up to expectations.

Funniest moment: Anakin tells Obi-Wan that he's just saved him for the tenth time, and Obi-Wan replies, "Ninth time. That business on Cato Neimodia doesn't count."

Best character: Obi-Wan Kenobi. So, we've loved this guy since the first hour of Star Wars, but it took us this long to really see him show off. He flies starfighters, rides a giant lizard, fights a guy with FOUR lightsabers, wins his battle against the biggest villain in movie history, has all the best lines, and even uses a blaster to kill someone ("So uncivilized!"). Yep, he rocks it.

Thing that bothers me: It's still hard to buy that Anakin would turn so bad, so quickly.

Who loses their arm/hand: This was a busy one. Let's count 'em up: Count Dooku (by Anakin), General Grievous (by Obi-Wan), Mace Windu (by Anakin), and Anakin (by Obi-Wan).

Who says, "I've got a bad feeling about this": Obi-Wan

What the film teaches us: It's all a woman's fault.

Final thought: Say what you will about bad acting (if you're criticizing Star Wars films for their acting, you're kinda missing the point), Lucas really nailed two casting decisions in the prequel trilogy: Natalie Portman and Ewan McGregor. The worst thing about finishing Revenge of the Sith is that we don't get to see those two in their roles anymore.

A night at the movies: Attack of the Clones

11/5/09 Two Medical Droid action figures, given away

Another lost cause on eBay, but I figured out another potential loving home for these two. At least until the little Padawan dudes who live there rip their arms off. And trust me, they probably will. Whatever the Droids' fate, they were mailed off across the country today to two energetic Star Wars fans, who have properly broken from their mother's misguided belief that the Lord of the Rings trilogy is the better saga.

As Randal says in Clerks II, "There's only one Return, and it's of the Jedi, not the King!"

Neither of which is...

tonight's film:

Star Wars, Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Order in which it should be watched: Fourth

Why: Now we're rolling along chronologically. We've had a bit of insight into Darth Vader's pod-racing childhood and the complex politics of interstellar republics. Time to see young Vader's growth as a Jedi and find out about forbidden love. Oh, la, la. (Plus, if you watch this movie second, rather than fourth, you totally miss the shocking brilliance of Yoda's lightsaber battle. You need to sit through three movies of him limping around before you can properly appreciate his transformation into SuperFrog.)

Most memorable line: Jango Fett: "I'm just a simply guy trying to make my way in the universe."

Coolest moment: Holy crap! Yoda can fight?!? (Honorable mention: Holy crap! R2-D2 can fly?!?)

Funniest moment: Some punk offers Obi-Wan a cigarette and he mind-tricks the guy into going home and reconsidering his life.

Best character: Gotta give it to Padme Amidala. These flicks are so male-heavy, she gets credit for not just showing up, but jumping into the fight.

Thing that bothers me: In every movie, someone lands randomly on an unknown planet, and ends up within walking distance of whoever they need to find. All these planets must be about the size of Toledo.

Who loses their arm/hand: Zam Wesell, who gets it cut off by Obi-Wan. (This is the second time Obi-Wan cuts off someone's arm in a bar. Perhaps he has a drinking problem.) Anakin also loses his hand, courtesy of a Sith Lord. Like son, like father.

Who says, "I've got a bad feeling about this": Anakin, in the arena, before showing Russell Crowe how a real gladiator gets it done.

What the film teaches us: The heart overrules the brain.

Final thought: Absolutely the most fun of the six movies. One great fight after another, a well-balanced ensemble cast, and a fast-moving pace. I got to see it (on my second viewing) in a huge IMAX theater in New York City. Wow, that was a ride.

A night at the movies: The Phantom Menace

11/4/09 Star Wars Rebel Commando, given away

Three Stormtoopers fetch $12.50, but a Rebel solider can't even get sold for 99 cents? Everyone loves the bad guys. Fortunately, the failure of the eBay community to embrace this toy didn't present a problem, since my friend JoieDeVivre has been dropping hints for action figures for weeks. Be careful what you ask for, JDV.

Mr. Commando has left the forested moon of Endor and is headed for the suburbs of Philadelphia. Wonder which he'll find more hospitable.

The summer of 1999 shall forever live in my memory for two great reasons: It was the summer that I thru-hiked the Appalachian Trail, and it marked the release of the first movie in the Prequel Trilogy. As I hiked through Pennsylvania, JoieDeVivre and her husband plucked me off the trail, cleaned me up, and took me to see...

...tonight's film:

Star Wars, Episode I: The Phantom Menace

Order in which it should be watched: Third

Why: Flashback Time! After watching Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back, we're ready to jump back in time to discover the true story behind Vader's shocking revelation to Luke. Plus, now we can enjoy battles on a much grander scale and twenty years of advancement in special effects since all the clunky stuff is behind us.

Most memorable line: "This is an odd move for the Trade Federation."

Coolest moment: Whoa, has he got a double-bladed lightsaber?!?

Funniest moment: Qui-Gon snags Jar Jar's tongue at the dinner table. Serves him right.

Best character: Qui-Gon Jinn -- Liam Neeson strolls in and shows he belonged in the Star Wars universe all along.

Thing that bothers me: When Jar Jar Binks (okay, I know there's a lot about him that bothers most people) leads Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon to his hidden city, he does history's most amazing jumping, twisting somersault as he dives into the water. Nowhere else in any of the movies do we see evidence that Jar Jar or any of his fellow Gungans have such remarkable athletic ability. If he can do that when he's just getting in the water, why doesn't he go all Jet Li on the Battle Droids?

Who loses their arm/hand: Strangely, nobody. An odd oversight for Mr. Lucas.

Who says, "I've got a bad feeling about this": Obi-Wan; it's his first line in the film.

What the film teaches us: Even in a galaxy far, far away, politics are messy and flawed.

Final thought: Phantom Menace had a lot of heavy lifting to do, and it couldn't completely hold up under the weight. The film is good, but even I need to admit it's the weakest chapter in the entire saga. Nonetheless, it contains the best lightsaber battle in all the movies: the fight between Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, and Darth Maul.

A night at the movies: The Empire Strikes Back

11/3/09 Three vintage Star Wars Stormtooper action figures, sold on eBay for $12.50

Goodbye to these fierce soldiers, cogs in the machine of the Empire! Actually, I was pleasantly surprised by the price the Stormtroopers fetched, although they were in good shape considering that they were made in 1977. Too bad they couldn't stick around long enough to watch...

..tonight's film:

Star Wars, Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Order in which it should be watched: Second

Why: After watching ANH (A New Hope, aka Star Wars), you've got to jump right into ESB (Empire Strikes Back). It picks up on the straightforward, brilliant storytelling of the first movie and develops the main characters better than any of the other flicks. Director Irvin Kershner really knocked it out of the park. Most importantly, ESB contains the most shocking "reveal" in the history of cinema: Darth Vader is Luke's father. Or is he? If you've already watched Episode I, II, & III, the whole power of Luke's discovery (and later, his relationship to Leia) is lost. I spent three breathless years waiting to find out the truth. Watching the movie this way recaptures the spirit of that excitement.

Most memorable line: "Do, or do not. There is no try."

Coolest moment: Han flies INTO the asteroid field. Never tell him the odds.

Funniest moment: The jump to lightspeed... that doesn't happen.

Best character: Yoda (Although it must be mentioned that Darth Vader is such a bad ass in this one, he nearly steals the show.)

Thing that bothers me: How long does Luke train with Yoda? A day? A week? It doesn't seem to line up with all that's going on with the rest of the guys on the Millennium Falcon

Who loses their arm/hand: Wampa ice creature, C-3PO (again!), and the granddaddy of them all: LUKE!!!

Who says, "I've got a bad feeling about this": Princess Leia, inside the space slug. That would give me a bad feeling, too.

What the film teaches us: Sometimes, things don't end well.

Final thought: Star Wars is the greatest movie of all time, and yet Empire is even better. The idea kinda blows your mind, huh?

A night at the movies: Star Wars

11/2/09 Star Wars Action Figure "Bossk," sold on eBay for $0.99

I've got a bunch of Star Wars action figures up for sale on eBay, so I've decided to commemorate their departure by re-watching all six Star Wars films. Since I am a preeminent Jedi scholar, I shall also share a few insights with you, Dear Readers.

Tonight's film:

Star Wars, Episode IV: A New Hope

Order in which it should be watched: First

Why: As the first to be released, it introduced us all to the Star Wars universe. Although it may be 4th in the official time chronology of the movies, historical precedent demands that it be seen first. Furthermore, the special effects and fight sequences were groundbreaking for their day, but look out of place if you've just watched Episodes I, II, & III. (My thinking on this was greatly influenced by a great online article about different ways to watch the movies. You can read it here.)

Most memorable line: "May the Force be with you."

Coolest moment: When Han & Chewy show up out of nowhere and blast Darth Vader's tie fighter, setting Luke up to destroy the Death Star

Funniest moment: Han's conversation over the comlink in the detention block, trying to cover up the fact that they just busted up the joint

Best character: Han Solo, no contest

Thing that bothers me: When Uncle Owen buys C-3PO & the R4 unit, leaving R2-D2 behind, C-3PO looks back at R2, but doesn't make an effort to stay with his buddy

Who loses their arm/hand: C-3PO & a creature in the Cantina

Who says "I've got a bad feeling about this": Luke (approaching the Death Star) and Han (in the trash compactor)

What the film teaches us: Great teams come together in unexpected ways.

Final thought: The greatest film of all time

Reduce, reuse, recycle, rewrite

11/1/09 Two early drafts of Catalyst, recycled

You want to write a novel. You plan to write a novel. You're just not sure when it will happen.

I think you should make it happen this month.

November is National Novel Writing Month. It's one of the truly great ideas, and as soon as I heard about it, I knew I had to do it. Here's the skinny: write a novel, start to finish, in thirty-one days. The goal is 50,000 words, which is roughly equivalent to Brave New World or Catcher in the Rye. National Novel Writing Month is all about quantity, not quality. Get it down on the page, worry about how it reads later. Check out the NaNoWriMo web site for details.

I first attempted it in November, 2006. I wrote early in the morning, late at night. I wrote in the back seat of a minivan on the way to a conference in Providence. I wrote after Thanksgiving dinner at Joanna's family house. I wrote after school and in fits and starts every Saturday and Sunday.

To make it to 50,000, I had to average 1,613 words per day. That's a lot of writing.

Out of a month of furious typing emerged a very rough draft of Catalyst. Joanna and my great friends Chris and Juliane served as editors, giving me constructive and helpful feedback. Such as: "It's great, Reed. Just completely change the ending."

Uh, okay.

They were right, of course, and the finished work was published in September 2007. Do the math: it took thirty-one days to write the book and ten months to revise it.

The real beauty of it is that once you get your novel written, you can get it published for free. FOR FREE!!! Cool, huh? There are a number of online publishing companies. I used Lulu.com. It costs nothing to upload your book, you just pay when you want to order a copy. No minimum order. That's good, since Catalyst has yet to become a best seller. (Feel free to help by buying it here.) It'll go viral at any moment, I'm sure.

And so will yours.

Get writing, you've only got thirty days left.