1/5/01 Five VHS movies, given awayQuestion: What kind of person fakes her own birthday?
Answer: An imaginary person (with a Facebook account).
I always thought I'd left my imaginary friends back in childhood, but it turns out that they not only still exist, they're pranking me. Just yesterday I saw on Facebook that the beloved "Betty Frank" (spoiler alert: NOT her real name) had a birthday coming up today. Ooo! Perfect downsize opportunity.
I called Ms. Frank to let her choose from my fine selection of excess VHS tapes, only to discover that her birthday was not on January 5th, as Facebook was broadcasting to the world. The fake birthday was just another attempt to foil those dangerous bands of marauding identity thieves who troll the internet.
As George W. Bush once so elegantly said, "Fool me once... (long pause) ...shame on... shame on you... (awkward hand motion) ... fool me, you can't get fooled again."
Generous soul that I am, I decided that we might as well go ahead and celebrate this fictitious person's fictitious birthday, and so she selected five classics: The Sting, Apollo 13, The Year of Living Dangerously, A Little Romance, and Starman. Those movies raked in eleven Oscars, folks, and, if you ask me, Starman got totally screwed out of another one.
You hear what I'm sayin'? This is a pretty good birthday gift for someone who, technically, was never born.
So, these movies have been sent off to my pretend friend. I sure hope her address isn't fake or the postal service is going to get really confused.
Your very real friend is grateful you put up with her shenanigans! And is prepping the popcorn popper and warming up her *ss groove in the sofa for all the VHS-watching!
ReplyDeleteAs if we needed any more evidence that this whole internet thing will be the downfall of modern man...nothing but a festering pit of falsehoods and deception (present blog aside, of course.)
ReplyDeleteCome to think of it, while you are downsizing physical stuff, you are adding 356 pages to the world-wide-web...
Don't warm that sofa too quickly. Tightwad that I am, I mailed the movies via Media Mail, so they may get there by July.
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